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Candy Hearts

by Becca

"You're sweet."

Two little words on a pink candy heart had changed her life. The first one she received she had mercilessly crushed beneath her boot, grinding it to dust. The second hear she didn't crush; she didn't eat it; she saved it. Oh, the sentimentality of a sixteen year old.

I'm not that same girl who saved that heart her best friend gave her. I've raised my family, and spoiled my grandchildren. Yet, I still cherish those heart like I did when I was sixteen. A small box contains seventy hearts, some messages are repeated, but each memory is unique.

Today is February 14th and I should be receiving my seventy-first heart, but I won't be. The entire family gathered two weeks ago to say goodbye, but I can't. That's why I'm walking the grave site with a worn out box in my hands. I'm trying to say goodbye to a man I never thought would leave me. Now, for the first time in sixty-one years I do not feel his breath on my neck as we sleep. His protective arms around my waist are only a faint memory.

As I walk down this well-trodden path that has managed to ignore the passing of time around it. I think to myself and I open and close my prized parcel. I pull out the first heart. It says "You're sweet." It is the first heart. It is non-committal, almost cautious saying, the heart of a chum.

**

It was our first year of teaching when Gil started the tradition. Valentine's Day was a Friday that year and Gil made an unexpected weekend visit to Avonlea. It had been a difficult day at school, with Anthony Pye acting up again and I was at my wit's end. Gil and I took a walk down Lover's Lane. There was a fresh snow fall and all the trees shimmered with their fresh new coat of gossamer flakes. It really was a romantic setting, but I hardly noticed that day.

"I have something to give you Anne." Gil snuck in as I took a breath in my rant about the trials of a school marm.

"Remember that candy heart I gave you ages ago?"

"Yes, you were trying to apologize for pulling my hair." I smiled and playfully shoved him.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pick heart and handed it to me. I read it, 'you're sweet,' identical to the one he gave me that fateful day.

That day was the first time I ever hugged Gil.

**

That day, so long ago, had started a tradition. He never missed a Valentine's Day, not even during those awful two years between proposals. I pick out another heart and examine it as I continue on. "I love you."

**

The first time Gil gave me a heart that said 'I love you' was the first Valentine's Day after we were betrothed. He sent it by mail to Windy Poplars. The widows and Rebecca Dew thought I had lost my mind when I opened the letter. Tears came to my eyes when I read the heart.

"What ever are you crying over Anne? It's just a candy heart."

"No, Rebecca Dew, it's not. Gil gives them to me every year on February 14th. This is the first one that has said 'I love you'." She just patted my hand and smiled at me as she rose to tend to the kitchen.

I didn't share with Rebecca what the letter that came with the heart had said.

Anne-girl,

I know you know that you already have it, but on this day, I once again give you my heart. Be mine.

Lovingly,

Gil

Gil always spoke more with his eyes than he did with his words, but I could see him giving me that heart just as if he were there. I didn't come down off of that cloud for days.

**

I'm almost there and the tears that haven't fallen during my trip down memory lane are now threatening to fall again. As I stand at the cemetery gate and look at one last heart.

**

'You're sweet.' It is the last heart that Gil gave me. He had no idea it would be the last one. He just said to me,

"Anne-girl, I have something to give you." He had on that smile of his, the one that told me he was hiding something.

"Always and forever." No explanation, just a candy heart placed in the palm of my hand accompanied by a kiss. 'You're sweet,' it read. We had come full circle and somehow we both knew that this was the last Valentine's Day we would spend together on this earth.

**

I'm knelling at the grave. I kiss my hand and trace his name on the tombstone. The date of birth and the date of death are emblazoned on the granite, and mine will soon be added.

"Gil," I call into the air. "I know you can hear me. I have something to give you. I saved them all Gil, each and every heart. You gave them so willingly Gil and I thank you. Now these are all I have, the heart I cherished the most is in a better place. I miss you, Gil. I hope you know that with each candy heart I gave you a piece of my real one. Not that it mattered, you already had the complete one the day you pulled on my hair. It is my turn to give you the hearts Gil, with all their messages and memories."

I place the box on the frozen sod and carefully stand up. I reach back behind my neck and unclasp a chain. I place the necklace with the pick enamel heart pendant on the top of the marker and lean to kiss it.

"I love you Gil, with all my heart. Happy Valentine's Day."

I turn and I walk away from what represents the only man I ever loved, but he's not there. He's in the warm wind that blows across my neck on this cold winter day. He's telling me he heard and he's pleading me to join him. I will, I want my heart next year.

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